Police Chief Credits Crime Decline to Legal Weed: 'Now We Can Finally Actually Do Our Jobs!'
Since the legalization of cannabis in 2012, data has shown that crime clearance rates are skyrocketing in Washington and Colorado, even outpacing the rest of the nation! Police departments in these states are tossing out their old 'War on Weed' manuals and picking up magnifying glasses instead. One police chief was heard saying, 'Now that we're not spending all our time trying to bust people for a little Mary Jane, we can actually focus on, you know, real crimes.'Researchers have noted that the increased clearance rates may be tied to the fact that police officers no longer have to waste time and resources on minor cannabis offenses. Instead, they’ve redirected their efforts towards more serious crimes, which, believe it or not, still exist! Imagine that, police officers who can actually concentrate on solving burglaries, robberies, and other dreadful acts instead of chasing after someone who just wants to binge-watch 'Rick and Morty' with a bag of Doritos by their side.In an exclusive interview, an officer recalled a simpler time, saying, 'Back in the day, we filled our quota by arresting stoners in the park. Now I'm solving crimes like I'm Sherlock Holmes, and it's weirdly more satisfying!'Critics argue that this may lead to businesses softening their workplace drug policies. Cannabis enthusiasts are thrilled, of course. One overjoyed local said, 'I never thought I’d see the day when police would actually protect and serve instead of just harshing my mellow.' As clearance rates continue to soar, perhaps the moral of the story is that a little bit of green can help clean up the mean streets. Who knew?As society continues to navigate this brave new world of legalization, there may also be fewer snack-related burglaries. Coincidence? We think not.
Since the legalization of cannabis in 2012, data has shown that crime clearance rates are skyrocketing in Washington and Colorado, even outpacing the rest of the nation! Police departments in these states are tossing out their old 'War on Weed' manuals and picking up magnifying glasses instead. One police chief was heard saying, 'Now that we're not spending all our time trying to bust people for a little Mary Jane, we can actually focus on, you know, real crimes.'Researchers have noted that the increased clearance rates may be tied to the fact that police officers no longer have to waste time and resources on minor cannabis offenses. Instead, they’ve redirected their efforts towards more serious crimes, which, believe it or not, still exist! Imagine that, police officers who can actually concentrate on solving burglaries, robberies, and other dreadful acts instead of chasing after someone who just wants to binge-watch 'Rick and Morty' with a bag of Doritos by their side.In an exclusive interview, an officer recalled a simpler time, saying, 'Back in the day, we filled our quota by arresting stoners in the park. Now I'm solving crimes like I'm Sherlock Holmes, and it's weirdly more satisfying!'Critics argue that this may lead to businesses softening their workplace drug policies. Cannabis enthusiasts are thrilled, of course. One overjoyed local said, 'I never thought I’d see the day when police would actually protect and serve instead of just harshing my mellow.' As clearance rates continue to soar, perhaps the moral of the story is that a little bit of green can help clean up the mean streets. Who knew?As society continues to navigate this brave new world of legalization, there may also be fewer snack-related burglaries. Coincidence? We think not.