Elon Musk's SpaceX Satellites to Hide Asteroids: Humanity Prefers TikToks Over Apocalypse Warnings
In a turn of events that places humanity's odds of surviving an asteroid impact on par with winning the lottery, SpaceX has come under fire from the International Astronomical Union (IAU). The Union claims that the proliferation of Starlink satellites, designed to spread high-speed internet across the globe, might also serve a dual purpose of obscuring potentially deadly asteroids from astronomers' telescopes. With plans for other satellite constellations from private companies and nations like China, the cosmos is fast becoming crowded and not just with zero-gravity pizza deliveries. Commenters from various corners of the internet chimed in with their thoughts. As one astute observer noted, “Aren’t there plans for other constellations? Not only from private companies but China, and I’m sure other nations are not far behind. What do we do about those as well?” cries of existential dread soon followed, but the real kicker came from another user who summarily declared: “Of course it will be Elon Musk who kills us all.” Elon Musk, known more for his cryptic tweets and life-sized flamethrowers, could now possibly add ‘Obstruction of Humanity’s Apocalyptic Forewarnings’ to his curriculum vitae. Then there’s the bleak but ironically astute comment: “We don’t care if we die as long as we are online right up to the last moment.” The IAU reports were swift to point out a current half-measure—SpaceX has been experimenting with ‘mirror film’ on new satellites to scatter light and reduce their visibility. But some rational commenters suggested a rather out-of-the-box idea: “The solution isn’t holding back satellite constellations; it’s building bigger and better space-based telescopes.”While spaceships and apocalypse may sound like the setting of a futuristic blockbuster, humanity’s real defense might just involve bigger telescopes and memes reminding Elon Musk to keep the skies clear. Until then, one can only hope that we don’t set our notifications to ‘Do Not Disturb’.
In a turn of events that places humanity's odds of surviving an asteroid impact on par with winning the lottery, SpaceX has come under fire from the International Astronomical Union (IAU). The Union claims that the proliferation of Starlink satellites, designed to spread high-speed internet across the globe, might also serve a dual purpose of obscuring potentially deadly asteroids from astronomers' telescopes. With plans for other satellite constellations from private companies and nations like China, the cosmos is fast becoming crowded and not just with zero-gravity pizza deliveries. Commenters from various corners of the internet chimed in with their thoughts. As one astute observer noted, “Aren’t there plans for other constellations? Not only from private companies but China, and I’m sure other nations are not far behind. What do we do about those as well?” cries of existential dread soon followed, but the real kicker came from another user who summarily declared: “Of course it will be Elon Musk who kills us all.” Elon Musk, known more for his cryptic tweets and life-sized flamethrowers, could now possibly add ‘Obstruction of Humanity’s Apocalyptic Forewarnings’ to his curriculum vitae. Then there’s the bleak but ironically astute comment: “We don’t care if we die as long as we are online right up to the last moment.” The IAU reports were swift to point out a current half-measure—SpaceX has been experimenting with ‘mirror film’ on new satellites to scatter light and reduce their visibility. But some rational commenters suggested a rather out-of-the-box idea: “The solution isn’t holding back satellite constellations; it’s building bigger and better space-based telescopes.”While spaceships and apocalypse may sound like the setting of a futuristic blockbuster, humanity’s real defense might just involve bigger telescopes and memes reminding Elon Musk to keep the skies clear. Until then, one can only hope that we don’t set our notifications to ‘Do Not Disturb’.