Texas Judge Hears Godly Testimony, Declares Sex Trafficking Suspect 'Heaven Sent'
In an unprecedented and heavenly court ruling, a Texas judge recently left everyone in a state of divine confusion when he claimed God told him that a sex trafficking suspect was innocent. During a trial that can only be described as 'biblically bizarre', the judge delivered a verdict that sent shockwaves through the legal system.Legal experts and citizens alike are wondering if heavenly apparitions are now admissible in court. One juror shared a similar divine dilemma from her jury duty days, where a fellow juror was convinced that God had vouched for the defendant's innocence. After a night of contemplation and a bit of divine clarification, the enlightened juror was convinced that divine visions should be reserved for those on a holy mission (not your average Joe defendant).As calls for the judge's disbarment grew louder, legal scholars have pondered if there should be a mandatory psyche evaluation for judges who channel metaphysical testimonies. One commenter hilariously noted, 'That right there is a mental illness. That’s the problem with our court system. Too many idiots are smart enough to be a judge, but too dumb morally.'Speculation abounds whether this was a case of personal favoritism or some ethereal back-scratching club. One astute observer mentioned, 'Personal friend? Both members of the same "club"? Someone scratched someone's back?' The skepticism in the air was more palpable than a hallelujah chorus at a Sunday church service.The absurdity reached its peak with another citizen exclaiming, 'I don't want to live on this planet anymore...' Who can blame them? Surely there must be some supernatural alternate universe with less judicial buffoonery.In the meantime, as Texans brace for further divine declarations from the bench, judicial advisors are hastily drafting a new rule: No divine interventions allowed in court unless they come with notarized paperwork signed by Saint Peter himself.
In an unprecedented and heavenly court ruling, a Texas judge recently left everyone in a state of divine confusion when he claimed God told him that a sex trafficking suspect was innocent. During a trial that can only be described as 'biblically bizarre', the judge delivered a verdict that sent shockwaves through the legal system.Legal experts and citizens alike are wondering if heavenly apparitions are now admissible in court. One juror shared a similar divine dilemma from her jury duty days, where a fellow juror was convinced that God had vouched for the defendant's innocence. After a night of contemplation and a bit of divine clarification, the enlightened juror was convinced that divine visions should be reserved for those on a holy mission (not your average Joe defendant).As calls for the judge's disbarment grew louder, legal scholars have pondered if there should be a mandatory psyche evaluation for judges who channel metaphysical testimonies. One commenter hilariously noted, 'That right there is a mental illness. That’s the problem with our court system. Too many idiots are smart enough to be a judge, but too dumb morally.'Speculation abounds whether this was a case of personal favoritism or some ethereal back-scratching club. One astute observer mentioned, 'Personal friend? Both members of the same "club"? Someone scratched someone's back?' The skepticism in the air was more palpable than a hallelujah chorus at a Sunday church service.The absurdity reached its peak with another citizen exclaiming, 'I don't want to live on this planet anymore...' Who can blame them? Surely there must be some supernatural alternate universe with less judicial buffoonery.In the meantime, as Texans brace for further divine declarations from the bench, judicial advisors are hastily drafting a new rule: No divine interventions allowed in court unless they come with notarized paperwork signed by Saint Peter himself.