In Shocking Revelation, Trump Discovers Putin's 'Fantastic' Cyber Skills Are Like Magic: 'They'd Never Get Caught!'
Two weeks before his inauguration, Donald J. Trump was presented with highly classified intelligence that made one thing abundantly clear: President Vladimir V. Putin had personally ordered complex cyberattacks to sway the 2016 American election. But, in true Trumpian fashion, the newly elected President seemed more impressed with Putin's cyber prowess than concerned about the implications for American democracy. According to reports from July 2017, after his first meeting with Putin, Trump couldn't resist gushing over the Russian President's cyber skills. 'He's amazing,' Trump allegedly said. 'Putin told me their hackers are so good, they'd never get caught. So obviously, Russia can't be responsible!' One wonders if Trump's admiration extends to asking Putin for cybersecurity tips for his own hotels next.Critics have pointed out the absurdity in Trump's logic, claiming anyone who believes Putin wouldn't exploit weaknesses in American cyber defenses needs a serious check-up from their local brain doctor. 'I mean, if you believe Putin, I've got some lovely beachfront property on Mars to sell you,' said one cyber expert who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of unnecessary Twitter tirades.While ordinary citizens expressed disbelief and humor at the situation, wondering how it will be included in future history classes, they also shared a common sentiment of exhaustion. 'I want off Uncle Sam's wild ride,' one commentator said, lamenting the rollercoaster of lunacy that appeared to be the new normal in American politics.For now, Trump continues his role as a President trying his best to run the country like his personal business. This strategy has included praising dictators, mocking gold star families, and having Twitter tirades that rival a teenager's diary entries. At this point, some are considering that maybe having America's fate decided by a Magic 8-Ball wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.
Two weeks before his inauguration, Donald J. Trump was presented with highly classified intelligence that made one thing abundantly clear: President Vladimir V. Putin had personally ordered complex cyberattacks to sway the 2016 American election. But, in true Trumpian fashion, the newly elected President seemed more impressed with Putin's cyber prowess than concerned about the implications for American democracy. According to reports from July 2017, after his first meeting with Putin, Trump couldn't resist gushing over the Russian President's cyber skills. 'He's amazing,' Trump allegedly said. 'Putin told me their hackers are so good, they'd never get caught. So obviously, Russia can't be responsible!' One wonders if Trump's admiration extends to asking Putin for cybersecurity tips for his own hotels next.Critics have pointed out the absurdity in Trump's logic, claiming anyone who believes Putin wouldn't exploit weaknesses in American cyber defenses needs a serious check-up from their local brain doctor. 'I mean, if you believe Putin, I've got some lovely beachfront property on Mars to sell you,' said one cyber expert who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of unnecessary Twitter tirades.While ordinary citizens expressed disbelief and humor at the situation, wondering how it will be included in future history classes, they also shared a common sentiment of exhaustion. 'I want off Uncle Sam's wild ride,' one commentator said, lamenting the rollercoaster of lunacy that appeared to be the new normal in American politics.For now, Trump continues his role as a President trying his best to run the country like his personal business. This strategy has included praising dictators, mocking gold star families, and having Twitter tirades that rival a teenager's diary entries. At this point, some are considering that maybe having America's fate decided by a Magic 8-Ball wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.