Jeff Bezos Offers to Buy Saturn - NASA Points Out It's Not for Sale
Jeff Bezos, the world's wealthiest e-commerce giant who's conquered earth and is now looking further afield, shockingly announced plans to buy Saturn. An Amazon Spokesperson stated, 'After streamlining the acquisition of everything on our planet, Mr. Bezos has his gaze set on the final frontier.' Further inquiries included whether Saturn's rings would be used for a new Prime delivery service that would defy space and time constraints. NASA, taken aback, issued a public statement claiming, 'We regret to inform Mr. Bezos that celestial bodies are not - currently, at least - open to capitalist agendas.' They then hastily called for the UN to draft an Outer Space Treaty 2.0 before Elon Musk got any ideas. Flat-earthers have seized upon Bezos' announcement, stating that if planets were in fact spherical, then surely they'd have been bought up by savvy real-estate moguls by now. Bezos' attempt to buy Saturn, they say, is the clearest sign yet that global elites are conspiring to fabricate the idea of a round earth.As news of the attempted purchase spread, the citizens of Saturn (in the form of intricately arranged particles of dust and ice in the planet's famous ring system) filed a cease-and-desist letter through their team of high-powered extraterrestrial attorneys, charging Bezos with 'illegal interplanetary aggression and exploitation.'
Jeff Bezos, the world's wealthiest e-commerce giant who's conquered earth and is now looking further afield, shockingly announced plans to buy Saturn. An Amazon Spokesperson stated, 'After streamlining the acquisition of everything on our planet, Mr. Bezos has his gaze set on the final frontier.' Further inquiries included whether Saturn's rings would be used for a new Prime delivery service that would defy space and time constraints. NASA, taken aback, issued a public statement claiming, 'We regret to inform Mr. Bezos that celestial bodies are not - currently, at least - open to capitalist agendas.' They then hastily called for the UN to draft an Outer Space Treaty 2.0 before Elon Musk got any ideas. Flat-earthers have seized upon Bezos' announcement, stating that if planets were in fact spherical, then surely they'd have been bought up by savvy real-estate moguls by now. Bezos' attempt to buy Saturn, they say, is the clearest sign yet that global elites are conspiring to fabricate the idea of a round earth.As news of the attempted purchase spread, the citizens of Saturn (in the form of intricately arranged particles of dust and ice in the planet's famous ring system) filed a cease-and-desist letter through their team of high-powered extraterrestrial attorneys, charging Bezos with 'illegal interplanetary aggression and exploitation.'